Room for Two
Hello, lovelies! I am currently 32 weeks pregnant with our second little girl. In this post we will discuss making room for two- not only in your home, but especially in your heart. If you missed how we got surprised with our first, you can read all about it here. Our second sweet girl was planned and prayed for; and they will be exactly 2 years apart. They literally have the same due date- though Rowan was two weeks late!
Preparing for Baby #2
I’ve been losing my mind trying to prepare for baby #2. Between preparing my home (read about how I conquered spring cleaning in an upcoming post!), working two jobs, and continuing to run around with my 21 month old, I am MAXED OUT. I am running on empty, and I honestly feel like I haven’t even taken the time to process the fact that my daughter could be born in 8 weeks!
Taking the Time to Emotionally Prepare
I’ve been puzzled by a few things since we found out we were expecting baby #2. The biggest thing is making room for two in your heart. When I was pregnant with Rowan I was all about Rowan and preparing for her. With this baby I feel like I am still all about Rowan and I haven’t even had time to daydream about the new baby. These feelings, of course, bring on the mom guilt. Yet I am comforted in knowing this is natural and extremely common.
I can’t imagine delivering a child that doesn’t look like Rowan. I am so curious to know what she will look like. Also, I can’t imagine loving another child nearly as much as I love Rowan, but I know I will. You see, I always thought about how the heart creates a partition- like a hard drive or something- so your love and attention gets divided so each child gets a special place in your heart. But the closer I get to delivering this baby, I’m beginning to realize the heart doesn’t divide- I think the heart expands. I’m not going to love Rowan any less than I do now. She’s not going to get any less of my love. If that is the case- how on earth will there be room for two?! The answer must be this: the heart must expand, and my capacity for love must grow.
People always talk about the physical growing pains of pregnancy and how taxing it can be on your body to carry and deliver a baby. While all this is true, I think we tend to neglect the emotional growing pains. I try to envision what life will look like with two. And a blanket of sadness covers me because I know things are going to change. Though this change is very good, it can be difficult.
I’m terrified that Rowan will feel left out, or feel like she isn’t getting enough of me. I feel like she’s going to have a difficult time sharing her momma, and I get sad thinking about her working through those emotions and adjusting to our new life as a family of four. As moms we work hard to ensure our sweet babes don’t encounter any sort of pain. Whether the pain is physical or emotional, the thought of being responsible for it comes with some mom guilt.
I do think Rowan will have a tough time adjusting to her new role as a big sister, but I also think giving her a little sister is the best gift I could ever give her. Dreams of the two of them playing together, challenging each other, comforting each other, and confiding each in each other reduce my mom guilt tremendously. I’m sure they will bicker, as sisters do, but I think sisters share a sacred bond. Watching that bond form, develop, and grow will be one of my greatest joys.